The gone man

Indo-Chinese border, knee deep snow, hunting animals for a living in adverse climate, no roads or electricity, interrogating terrorists, journey across the nation, dedication to work, transfers, officers party and so on….Each story by you was hooking. Some sent shivers down my spine, some tickled me. Writing a book on your narrated stories was my dream, which unfortunately could not happen. Dedicating this first blog post to you, for you were a loved, respected and an admired man. Though I did not want my first post on you like this, but life often has something else in store for us.

For you Baapi..

The only wish on my lips now is to have you back,Wondering how to could convince God for this hack.Going away was so easy for you, is it?Killing our togetherness by every bit?

Who will have tea with me now, who will narrate his service days stories,who will talk about China border, who will flaunt IB’s victories?As you left, there is a void within us and also a lump in my throat,You will be badly missed as the anchor of our family boat.

15th Jan 2016- The day I lost my father-in-law. Rest in peace dad. You were extremely generous & honest with a heart of gold. Miss you 

Dil ki deal

I am participating in the #DilKiDealOnSnapdealactivity at BlogAdda in association with SnapDeal

It was my first job and my first stint in Delhi, alone, away from my family. What was it to stay alone was a new experience. During the job induction, it was made crystal clear to us to refrain from taking leave for the first six months. My heart fluttered, mind toppled and eyes welled up. The following month was Diwali and the thought of being alone that day struck me like a thunderbolt. I did not even know how to conduct a full-fledged puja on such occasions, let alone celebrating it with people. Plus I had no friends In Delhi who would accompany me or ask me to be a part of their family on Diwali. After all, Diwali in India was a family celebration. The HR manager continued to enlighten us with the company policies while I swallowed the lump in my throat and pretended to be normal.

Days passed by and I breezed through my training period. One part of me was excited and eager to explore a new city, while the other part of me missed my family. Every day either of my parents would call me asking me if I was okay, had my meals on time, attentive to my job or not and a never ending list. Indian families are emotionally bonded and I understood the value of the bond then.

“I have made sweets & namkeen, but I don’t feel happy without you. I wish you had an off on Diwali” my mom said painfully one day over the phone. I felt helpless as my job did not allow me to take leave for the next 6 months. My training batch mates discussed shopping, sweets and crackers, while I had no idea where and with whom to go for shopping. I stopped thinking about festival and tried to concentrate on my job.

Days approached quickly with Diwali being just three days away. Within a month of joining, I cleared training and waited for the "on the job training", popularly called OJT, where-in we would learn while working with mentors. My mentor David, half French half Indian, guided me. “All well?” he asked as he noticed me feeling low one day.

“Ya all well, just missing my family. Won’t be with them during Diwali for the first time,” I replied as I was almost on the verge of crying.

“Oh Diwali! Yes I have heard about this festival of lights. My mother often told me about it when I was young. Why don’t you go home then?” David asked me.

“Trainees are not eligible to take leave on Diwali David. I joined a month ago,” I replied in the most unenthusiastic voice.

“Chill! Who will mentor you when your mentor is not present?” he winked.

I squinted my eyes at his face.

“Arey baba, go home. I am taking off for 3 days. No company will penalize you when you take leave. They would only deduct your salary. Choice is yours.” He resume to tap the laptop keyboard.

I could not sleep the whole night. David’s words kept ringing in my ears. I got up in the middle of the night to shuffle my luggage. Next day I reached office with a small bag stuffed with clothes. David smiled at me and gave a thumbs up. I did not inform my parents about this little surprise. I left from office in the evening, bought a box of sweets on the way and boarded a bus from Interstate Bus Terminal for my home-town.

I reached my hometown on the morning of Diwali. As I rang the doorbell, a stream of thoughts choked me. I had actually rebelled in my first job! I had followed my heart to see that smile on my parents face. I braved the harsh company policies to be with my family on Diwali. I gave a damn to my job. Special thanks to David to guide me on the HR policy know-hows.

I snuggled in mom’s warm embrace as she sobbed with happiness. A box of sweets with my first salary, a wonderful surprise on Diwali and moments of joys. It was magic. I still remember that sweet day of the year 2003.

Words..

Words o words, that can calm us wen we pray,
that can turn sour and also slay....

Words o words. you hurt & don't let me sleep,
why did u pierce into my heart so deep?

Words o words, you untamed shameless things,
I'd fly far away from you if I had wings...

Words o cruel words, its better when not spoken,
and save fragile hearts from being broken.

The small wish list..

I picked up the folded paper from Tarun’s table and saw names of movies scribbled on it. I was about to trash it when he snatched the paper from my hand and thrust it in his pocket.

“What will you do with this stupid list”? I asked him, cleaning the mess on his table.

“It’s a list of those movies I wanna watch before I turn 25” replied Tarun seriously.

“Are you retiring post you turn 25?” I snapped back.

“There are so many things in life I wanna do. Its just a small wish list before 1/4^th of my life, so that I don’t crib for things I missed”.

I wanted to tell him how I had also made a wish list couple of years back. The only difference was that my wish list consisted of books to read and places to visit. However I didn’t say anything and smiled back at him.

His simple words had depth and lot of meaning in them.

Preeti has always been cribbing about being overweight. God save me whenever she goes for a diet plan. Thanks to internet that she came to know about GMD, an easy way to lose weight without working out. More than her, it was tough for me… (to chop kilos of fruits and vegetables and cook a quantity meant for 5 people. Trust me, it’s horrible!).

“I want to lose weight through GMD because I don’t have time to hit the gym .I want a new job which would leave me with some time for myself”.

Few months later…………

New, better job..more time for self.. joined gym…but……….

“This is not a good gym. I want a better one”. I silently prayed she dosen’t resort to GMD again.

And her wish list continues till date.

Akash wished, God wouldn't have snatched his wife to leave their 5 year old son alone in his company.

Rohit wished, he could earn more and improve his family’s financial condition. He wished for a decent job.

I wanted to write more, but running short of time…may be I see this in a form of a book some day. (Ah, another wish !!)

Lord make everybody’s wish list come to an end, may be, some day.

Untamed

There was heavy blood shed. Brutal murder. My heart went out to those who lost their lives. My eyes were flooded with tears and I was a bundle of wreck. My heart was bleeding to see them die one by one. The bodies of the helpless men lied in pieces all over. Fire, dust, blood, weapons lay as an aftermath of the war. I couldn’t do anything but shed tears silently. The soldiers sacrificed their lives for their country. India must have been so proud of the brave hearts who didn’t think for a second to take the bullet in their chest and fight the enemies just for the country! Hats off to the brave soldiers. But loss of lives was definitely an irreparable loss. I felt helpless and so incapable of saving the heroes. It was sad, scary and a heart rendering view. The lights were switched on and the crowd started moving toward the exit. My cheeks were still wet after the super hit movie “BORDER” ended.

She was shattered. She was in tears. I hugged her and she cried like a baby in my arms. People around us stared at us. The man who was responsible for this, kept apologizing, but it was useless to say sorry post the great loss. The damage was already done.  She kept looking at what she had lost with swollen tearful eyes.  It was painful to part with the most loveable and precious possession. After all it had taken 6 tedious years to grow her beautiful hair waist long! The hair dresser felt like a criminal, ready to be blown apart by Preeti, to have her hair cut shorter than waist length. Tears kept rolling down her eyes the whole day.

It was Astami, the 8^th day of Durga Puja in 2000. Mom, sis, my bro and I were heading towards the Pooja baari for the grand celebration, when suddenly my bro’s shoe broke and we returned home to get it changed. My Mom was struggling with Abhijit’s new pair of shoes while the door bell rang loud. I rushed to collect the telegram from the postman. Mom covered her face with her palms. Abhijit was too young to understand the reason behind the ladies of the family crying. I had been courageous and fought my tears back till I went to Dad’s shop to inform him of Naani’s demise. Mom was inconsolable. The telegram was clutched in her hand, and tears kept rolling down her eyes the whole day.

Divya returned to the hotel room while talking on the phone. She saw my red eyes and tear stained face. Instantly she came to know what was wrong. Disconnecting her phone immediately, she placed her hand on my shoulder and politely said “Don’t worry, I am there with you”. These consoling words of her made me feel weaker and lonelier. That day brings tears to my eyes even today. She tried to cheer me up and stayed with me the whole night. I felt alone probably for the first time. The thought, to live alone for the first time, had scared me. I touched dad’s feet to seek his blessings. The moment dad kept his hand on my head, my heart almost skipped a beat. I had to live away from my family, manage everything on my own and “grow up”. Dad left me in Divya’s company, my closest friend now and my favorite roommie. I returned to the hotel room and cried for hours missing my family and feeling lost. It was my first job in Delhi and the first moment when I had to be away from my family. Tears kept rolling down my cheeks till Divya came.

Tears….Untamed tears…!!!