Hug your dad

As I write this post, my eyes are welled up already. It’s been a long year of illness and recovery for my dad. As my whole family is constantly on toes to make him feel better, it just took a warm hug to see him smile and feel positive. Last year when dad underwent a by-pass heart surgery, something very strange happened. While in ICU recovery post operation, dad witnessed a man die on the operation table. The deceased gentleman’s family raised a hue and cry and blamed the doctors for the unfortunate death. The entire scenario shook and scared dad. Fearing for his own life, he removed the drips and walked out of the ICU. The doctors or nurses could not calm him as he demanded a quick discharge from the hospital, refusing to enter the ICU room again. The staff called me to handle the situation. I rushed to the 3^rd floor, where I found dad sitting outside the ICU, tired, upset and scared. He whispered into my ear about the patient’s operation that went awry, calling it a conspiracy of the doctors. He feared the doctors would poison him as well. The nurses were warned by my dad to stay away from him. I felt helpless and worried when a sense of responsibility ruled my senses. I stepped into my mother’s shoes that moment. When my constant consoling and assurance did not budge him, the only thing I could think was a hug. I pressed his palm gently and then hugged him tightly. It calmed him down a great extent. The warm embrace did the magic, what doctors or my words could not do. That hug was a life-saving hug for dad. He felt assured and safe after my hug and entered the ICU.

That stage was, what the doctors later told me, a psychosis attack.

I want to hug my dad every day to assure him of good health, to make him feel positive, to support him emotionally and moreover to thank him for everything. Thanks is a small word in return of all the gestures and his acts of responsibility towards his family. 

During my school days when my mom made me learn riding a cycle, it was dad who taught me saving money for situations like cycle breakdown. I owe a hug to him for the sense of caution he instilled in me.

When my mom was reluctant to send me to Delhi for job, it was dad who supported me. He brushed his emotions aside and allowed me to shift to the capital city so that I turn independent and strong. I owe a hug to my dad for shaping me into an independent bold person.

My first job in Delhi was not easy and the thought of quitting had clouded my thoughts. It was dad who encouraged me to stay put and lectured me on not giving up. I continued my job amid all hardships and turned the tough ways in my favor. I owe one hug to him for standing by me patiently and inspiring me.

An honest, grounded and patient person, my dad has given me all the joys and love I could ask for. I cannot stop thanking God for blessing me with a father like him. A hug to dad will be the smallest thing in return.

This father’s day, I am expressing my love towards my dad by participating in the #HugYourDad activity at BlogAdda in association with Vicks

Breaking the stereotype

I am writing for the #ShareTheLoad activity at BlogAdda.com in association with Ariel

“I got a surprise for you!” Atul exclaimed as he entered the house, smiling to his wife Sonal. He flaunted a movie DVD. Sonal’s face lit up.

“Let’s watch it tonight after dinner. We had been waiting for this Hollywood blockbuster since long. What say?” Atul asked as he entered his room.

overburdened & tired

Sonal nodded as she gathered Atul’s office bag, lunch box, wallet, car keys and socks in the right place. She moved into the kitchen to cook. Atul watched news in the meanwhile, waiting for dinner to arrive. She prepared Atuls’ favorite dishes and dessert. Post dinner Atul connected the DVD player and called Sonal to join in for the movie.

“I will be back in a while”, a tired Sonal replied from the kitchen while washing utensils.

When she emerged from the kitchen, Atul was fast asleep with half of the movie watched. Sonal switched off the DVD player, refilled the water bottles & kept them in the fridge, collected the dirty linen in basket for washing next day, checked the locks, turned off the lights of the house, managed to wash her face and crashed on the bed. After a tiring day at work, making full course dinner and household chores, all the excitement of Friday was gone. Sonal was overburdened with the household load without any empathy or help from Atul.

Consider, if Atul shared the household load with Sonal, they would not have only watched the movie together, but it would have relieved Sonal of the stress. Not only they would have finished the household chores on time, but also enjoyed the whole weekend. What if Atul’s salary from his MNC was thrice than Sonal’s income as a teacher, the former is equally responsible for the house. Even if Sonal was a housewife, should Atul not see if she needs a helping hand at all?

Well, that’s a story of most of the houses in India, Middle East and Southern Asian countries. When it comes to the everyday house jobs, the females suddenly become the in-charge. Everything from cooking and washing clothes/utensils to dusting and cleaning is considered a low profile demeaning job for which a woman is accountable. Little do they realize, these jobs make a home of a house, in absence of which life would be scattered! How else would you wear your clean formals to office? Or would you be able to sleep on dirty bedsheets or pillow covers, if not washed by the women of the house? To add to the disparity is the fact that these household loads are unpaid! A thankless job indeed.

I feel blessed to be married in a house where my family understand the pressures on me. My husband not only helps me in washing the weekly cargo of clothes, but also warms food and cleans the kitchen post dinner. Resulting this we get enough time to spend with each other. We connect over our common interests of movies, video games and travelling. And this is possible only because he shares the house chores with me.

One fine Sunday, our house was in a mess, clothes lied unwashed, our maid was absent, we had to attend a party in the afternoon and go to work on Monday. I could not imagine to look good or fresh and enjoy a social gathering with so much stress at home. However, my supportive husband agreed to do the laundry while I took care of the cleaning part. The mess sorted in no time and we made it to the gathering, with full energy & freshness. That was the day when I realized the support of sharing.

So if a man and woman are considered equal for the house, shouldn't both of them share and contribute equally? Sharing means caring. Where does it vanish when it comes to sharing the household job? Ask a married working lady her routine after work, she would go on with her never ending list of cooking, cleaning, looking after kids, teaching them, washing clothes, looking after in-laws and so on. A woman works in double shifts. Morning shift in office and evening shift for her family, and that's by default. Even if  the woman chooses to be a housewife, she is on duty round the clock. Talk about paying her, one would say "Its her responsibility!". One can at least not expect her to work like a machine and share some work to releive her of stress, mentally and physically, both.

An equal involvement in home jobs, bonds a family psychologically besides imparting a feeling of togetherness & security. Thankfully the stereotypes are changing. Ariel's initiative of sharing the load and making men understand that laundry is not a woman's job alone is worth appreciating.

Image source- Shutterstock

When the ground shakes

My mother, father, my infant five months old brother and I, lied in one room under the only fan which was working amid frequent power failure. Fans of other rooms were almost motionless due to low voltage. As we tossed restlessly in our beds on that warm night of October, my baby brother started to cry. My mom sat up with him in her lap trying to lull him to sleep. I was barely eight then. The little green bulb which my mom use to switch on at night, flickered. My father wiped his sweat and turned towards the other side.

Mom had opened the windows. Yet the room was suffocating. All we needed was cold breeze. My bed was right next to the window. Unable to sleep, I opened my eyes. Outside the window, the giant Neem tree stood still, without a single leaf moving. For the first time the tree looked scary to me. Dark and ghostly, the tree made me feel more uneasy.

On the roads, strays too barked in frenzy. There was a discomfort in the chirping of birds as well. May be they were crying for water. The shrill howling of distant dogs started nearing. Clearly the dogs were not fighting, but crying.

My brother did not stop crying. My mother was wide awake by that time. The room felt like a hot oven. The birds residing in the giant Neem Tree flew away suddenly, squeaking loudly. I reached for the water bottle on the table near my bed. I stretched my hand when the bed shivered. I turned my head towards the window to see if it was the wind coming from the rustling of the Neem tree. I could not see anything in pitch darkness. Gradually the shivers converted into wild tremors. My bed shook violently.

“Bhumikompo!” (Earthquake) my mother panicked and shouted in Bengali, as she held on to my little brother. The green light was still on and I could see my father with his eyes wide open staring at the ceiling fan. He lied on the bed motionless with a horrified face. He had his palms open, facing the ceiling.

“Ki dekhcho” (what are you staring at) my mother shook my father. He did not reply.

The tremors shook the house. I saw the ceiling move  horizontally. I heard the utensils of the kitchen banging the floor. Show pieces of glass in the living room smashed to pieces. I heard the noises, loud and clear. There was chaos and fear outside. My neighbors had gathered on their terrace or balcony, looking for safe open places.

“Shilpi stay where you are,” I heard my mom shout again, amidst her wailing and attempt to protect my little brother. My eyes were fixed on my dad. I was petrified to see his unusually scared open eyes and palms facing the fan.

The tremors slowed down. My bed stopped shaking. Only then my mom ran out of the room with my bro in her arms and dad followed her holding my hand. We ran in our garden. I remember I was barefooted.

“What were you staring at?” my mother asked dad again.

“I was scared of the ceiling fan. If that fell on us, I was preparing to catch it” dad replied, stroking my head as he panted.

The devastating Uttarkashi Earthquake of 1991 had killed over a thousand people and caused extensive damage to property in the Garhwal Himalaya region. At a magnitude of 6.6, major cities including Dehra Dun and Almora were affected. Thankfully we were safe. Our house in Dehradun had developed fissures in many places and needed repairing thereafter. It was a collateral damage worth crores. For me it was an emotional damage. Even today when the ground shakes or I hear the painful news, my father’s horrified face relives in my eyes.

Voting for Will Of Steel

I’m voting for (nominee’s name)’s#WillOfSteel and blogging on BlogAdda to help him/her get felicitated and eventually enabled by JSW.

You go against all odds, cross all hurdles and achieve what others could not. You need #willofsteel to do that. You need firm determination and courage to fulfill those dreams, even if that means sacrificing dear things or living in hardships. JSW presents such people with extraordinary courage whose contribution is truly remarkable. I encourage and have voted for such exemplary personalities on the website willofsteel.in. The nominee who got my attention is Rajendra Singh- The waterman of India, whom I think should be felicitated by JSW for his will of steel.

Rajendra Singh who hails from Alwar, Rajasthan, is notable a water-conservationist. In the time where we are struggling for fresh air and clean water, there are villages and remote places who do not receive water at all. Lands are turning barren, rain fall is uncertain, crops are failing and farmers are committing suicide. In such a difficult time, Rajendra Singh gave up all the luxuries of his life, fastened his belt and dedicated his life to water conservation. Singh has played an important role by helping more than 1000 villages to get water. He has also revived five rivers.

There are very few people who think and do something good for the environment. Singh quit his government service, sold his household items, started educating villagers, went on to work for the NGO “Tarun Bharat Sangh” which means Young India Association and focused on the issues of water. He did not behave like his fellow classmates or co-workers, who study in cities, come to villages for projects and return without solving the problems.

Starting from a single village in 1985, over the years Tarun Bharat Sangh has helped build over 8,600 johads and other water conservation structures to collect rainwater for the dry seasons. By 2001, they had built 4,500 earthen check dams, to collect rain water in 850 villages in 11 districts of Rajasthan. Singh was awarded the Magsaysay Award for Community Leadership in the same year.

Alwar, was worse hit due to receding water table and lack of rains. Singh spread awareness and worked for water conservation. One of the forgotten ways was “Johar” which is a traditional method of rainwater storage, popularly in Rajasthan. Post much reluctance from villagers, friends and colleagues, ultimately Singh’s revolutionary work led to revival of Alwar. The water table is stable now and he continues to work for improved water conservation methods that includes check dams.

Rajendra Singh has been thoroughly involved in fighting the bureaucracy and the mining lobby. Today as Alwar is fit to reside in, the credit goes to Rajendra Singh. His NGO has also been instrumental in Madhya Pradesh, Gujarat and Andhra Pradesh. People value the traditional methods of water harvesting today and do not suffer from drought. Thanks to the waterman for his efforts, forward thinking and steel of will.

Let's vote for him and recognize his efforts for the noble work done. We need more people like him who bring a positive change for the environment and save the planet.

Snapped the deal

The simple things that bring smile to many faces, are present around us in every shape and form. All we need is a knack to recognize them and let those simple things flow. We humans tend to make things complicated as we have forgotten those little wonders. What dil ki deal does one strike in such byzantine? Oh, I love bringing in back those simple things to life. In other words making others happy makes me happy too!

I went to a salon few days ago for a foot massage. In the middle of the therapy, I asked the guy about the foot relaxation points, techniques and from where he was trained. Calmly answering my questions, he looked worried whether or not I was happy about the service. And then I asked him his name.

“Suraj” he answered, as it brought a smile on his face.

I realized, very few people ask their names. My question made him feel special. I had left an appreciation note for him in the visitor’s book and thanked him in person. Like others, I could have availed the services and left, as he was just doing his job. But I managed to get a smile on his face. Little gestures like this, does magic.

When I had moved to Delhi and started working, I started volunteering at animal NGOs or shelter houses. My deep concern for strays almost made me an animal activist. (‘Almost’ because my full time job barely left me with time for such service during weekdays). I started feeding the strays of my residence colony. In no time, I befriended all dogs. Feeding them, playing and spending time with them became my daily routine. I loved to see the dogs welcome me by wagging their tails and rushing to me for their daily treat as I returned from work. I took the sick ones to vet, medicated the injured ones and spent most of my free time with 11 dogs of my colony. I was named “The dog girl” by my neighbors. However, my landlady was against the whole act of kindness. She hated to see the dogs huddle near the gate waiting for me. They tore the door mat at times or pooped on the roads. She warned me to keep the dogs away from the house lest I should search for a new accommodation. Against all odds, I followed my heart and continued to help the strays. At last I got a notice from my landlady to vacate her house. The news spread around and neighbors were shocked to hear that. But they helped me search a new accommodation in the next lane promising me to be by my side. Soon they joined me in looking after the strays who changed the lane after I changed my residence. Those dogs taught us harmony, love & care. Nothing could have made me happier then. I was able to bring happiness to the life of those innocent dogs as well. A mutual love and learning it was! The simple gesture of kindness always spreads joys. It was a perfect dil ki deal for me which I struck after following my heart.

Happiness is seeing calmness and smile on your husband’s face as he enters the house. And the reason behind that smile? I got a Sandalwood incense stick, kept fresh flowers in the vase, changed the linens and put on soft music. He left his office worries outside the house and spent time with me, relaxed, rejuvenated and happy. Who said simple gestures don’t make dil ki deal? I added joys in little doses, make him feel special and what followed was magic! After months of hectic schedule and frustration, I saw my husband smile & calm. He drove us for dinner to his favorite restaurant.

In another instance that I remember, I strongly followed my heart, bypassing all official regulations and mind. It was my first month with my new employer post MBA. As an intern, I was bound by rules and strict no-leave policy. My best friend Atul, who was my colleague, had gone on an emergency leave for his dad’s heart surgery. The week passed by in his absence. On the day of uncle’s surgery, I happened to call Atul. He was stressed and I found him sobbing. Needless to say, any child would feel the same under such circumstances. I managed to calm him down and disconnected the call. My heart was bleeding. I cursed myself for leaving my best friend in the hospital alone, but thought about the no-leave policy.

“Damn the policy” I murmured to myself as I packed my bag to leave from office.

“It’s an emergency. My uncle needs me. He is in hospital,” I told my senior who stared at me. I might have lost my job for an unplanned leave, yet I chose to follow my heart. The thought running in my head was that I would get a new job, but not a friend like Atul who really needs somebody in the hospital. The moment I reached hospital, Atul broke down. Uncle was in the operation theatre, with few more hours left for the surgery to end. I stood by him, assuring uncle’s speedy recovery and well-being. The emotional support that I extended to Atul at that point in time made him stronger I guess. My reporting boss called to demand an explanation for the uncalled absence in office. I did not lie to her and explained the entire situation. Surprisingly, she approved my leave. By grace of God, Uncle recovered post operation soon. The day still brings tears to my eyes thinking of the incident when I followed my heart over my instincts to be with my best friend.

I am participating in the #DilKiDealOnSnapdealactivity at BlogAdda in association with SnapDeal

Dil ki deal

I am participating in the #DilKiDealOnSnapdealactivity at BlogAdda in association with SnapDeal

It was my first job and my first stint in Delhi, alone, away from my family. What was it to stay alone was a new experience. During the job induction, it was made crystal clear to us to refrain from taking leave for the first six months. My heart fluttered, mind toppled and eyes welled up. The following month was Diwali and the thought of being alone that day struck me like a thunderbolt. I did not even know how to conduct a full-fledged puja on such occasions, let alone celebrating it with people. Plus I had no friends In Delhi who would accompany me or ask me to be a part of their family on Diwali. After all, Diwali in India was a family celebration. The HR manager continued to enlighten us with the company policies while I swallowed the lump in my throat and pretended to be normal.

Days passed by and I breezed through my training period. One part of me was excited and eager to explore a new city, while the other part of me missed my family. Every day either of my parents would call me asking me if I was okay, had my meals on time, attentive to my job or not and a never ending list. Indian families are emotionally bonded and I understood the value of the bond then.

“I have made sweets & namkeen, but I don’t feel happy without you. I wish you had an off on Diwali” my mom said painfully one day over the phone. I felt helpless as my job did not allow me to take leave for the next 6 months. My training batch mates discussed shopping, sweets and crackers, while I had no idea where and with whom to go for shopping. I stopped thinking about festival and tried to concentrate on my job.

Days approached quickly with Diwali being just three days away. Within a month of joining, I cleared training and waited for the "on the job training", popularly called OJT, where-in we would learn while working with mentors. My mentor David, half French half Indian, guided me. “All well?” he asked as he noticed me feeling low one day.

“Ya all well, just missing my family. Won’t be with them during Diwali for the first time,” I replied as I was almost on the verge of crying.

“Oh Diwali! Yes I have heard about this festival of lights. My mother often told me about it when I was young. Why don’t you go home then?” David asked me.

“Trainees are not eligible to take leave on Diwali David. I joined a month ago,” I replied in the most unenthusiastic voice.

“Chill! Who will mentor you when your mentor is not present?” he winked.

I squinted my eyes at his face.

“Arey baba, go home. I am taking off for 3 days. No company will penalize you when you take leave. They would only deduct your salary. Choice is yours.” He resume to tap the laptop keyboard.

I could not sleep the whole night. David’s words kept ringing in my ears. I got up in the middle of the night to shuffle my luggage. Next day I reached office with a small bag stuffed with clothes. David smiled at me and gave a thumbs up. I did not inform my parents about this little surprise. I left from office in the evening, bought a box of sweets on the way and boarded a bus from Interstate Bus Terminal for my home-town.

I reached my hometown on the morning of Diwali. As I rang the doorbell, a stream of thoughts choked me. I had actually rebelled in my first job! I had followed my heart to see that smile on my parents face. I braved the harsh company policies to be with my family on Diwali. I gave a damn to my job. Special thanks to David to guide me on the HR policy know-hows.

I snuggled in mom’s warm embrace as she sobbed with happiness. A box of sweets with my first salary, a wonderful surprise on Diwali and moments of joys. It was magic. I still remember that sweet day of the year 2003.

The world remade

I write, I build emotions, I express, I catch eyes of the readers, I create content to attract the world to the brand that I work with; to hook them, enlighten them, confuse them, give them ‘gyaan’ and ultimately sell the products in our brand portfolio. They call me copywriter, I call it “copy creator”. I create, other than the brand, for my own self at times. I create stories and the characters. I believe in fiction and I live the dream of being the creator through the characters that I create in my stories.

Often I wonder how would be like to create or let’s say rebuild a new world in my way! Don’t we all remember, how we played “Raja Raani” or “Chor Police” in our childhood?

As we grow up, we fight odds every day. We crib, we cry, we fight, we feel hurt & cheated when things don’t happen in our way. We really want our railway ministers, or finance ministers to make a budget that suits the largest population; the middle class. I really don’t wish to remake the world by holding a powerful post, else who would do my job then?

I want a new world which has a fresh and good mindset. Let’s create a world where education is not confused with literacy, because even the so-called educated lot today kill girl child and demand dowry during marriage. The degree holders from good universities are found involved in molestation & rape. Decorated officers and corporate employees hire little children for household work. What’s a world with such educated people? The world that I would rebuild will not have people with a mindset that think of female feticide, dowry, rape, eve teasing, molestation or child labor. I would rebuild a world free of crime against women & children.

Degrees and certificates don’t make you “educated”. No school or book teaches you to be a violent and open fire. My new world would be sans violence and terrorism, because people would be literate. The world would be rebuilt with educated minds and literate people who could not go to the extremes of picking up ammunition when brain washed. Dictators and terrorists like Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Kasab, Muammar Al-Gaddafi, Joseph Stalin, Robert Mugabe would not be born as bad people. Undoing the harm they inflicted would be impossible, but I would build them as people who could prove to be blessing for the mankind. Let their creative thinking bring joys and innovative modernization for the new world to be a better place. They had great ideas to rule and kill people. In the new world they would have great ideas to develop and utilize people for an amazing world. It’s then when everyone would say "Here's The World, Remade!"

Yes, we don’t live in a perfect world. So we try to live within the framework of society. My new world may not be perfect too. So it will have laws that would deal with serious issues strictly. Since humans are divided by religion & caste, it results in inter-religion clashes. My new world WILL NOT have inter-religion rattling. This take care of so called honor killing. I would sit back on my seat and be relieved of any inter-caste/inter religion disputes.

I may have to deal with global warming and climatic changes as the human race progresses. However I would leave that to the mankind to tackle. My new world be free of terror, crime and cultural gaps. My new world will have ‘educated’ humans who think positively, creatively, ahead of time and progress together without pulling down others.

Making a world like this is next to impossible, but we still can try to use our minds diligently, isn’t it? Why can’t we have and implement strict laws for menacing crimes like rape, child trafficking, child labor, dowry death? That’s because of the limitations of the mankind by law. My world would not be limited to such margins. How I wish the fiction was a reality.

I am participating in the #TheWorldRemade activity at BlogAdda in association with India Today #Conclave15