Mr. X to Mr. Right

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I did not want to get married because my parents wanted. Neither did I want to get married because the clock was ticking away. I wanted to get married only when I get the right person. But the big question was- How do I know he is right? Was there a universal criteria to judge men by their behavior or thinking? Or was there a questionnaire for all those prospects there? Wooh! It was indeed tough! 

The hunt for the right alliance began when I turned 25; just the age when parents want to see their daughters married. I being a rebel, rejected all alliances forwarded to me by my parents. How could I let them decide for my life partner? This was ONE decision I always to take on my own and not let anybody else control my destiny, even if they are my parents.

Reeling under pressure and fed up of taunts from my panicky mom, I found myself searching grooms online! I created an online matrimony account, read profiles, chatted with few, made friends with few only under the condition to take some time in knowing them. I met at least twenty prospects. Sounds like a huge number yea?

Excited and with heart fluttering over the first meeting nervousness, I met the first guy. 
A civil engineer by profession, the tall, good looking boy loved to debate. Soft spoken, intelligent and witty, I fell for him instantly. Things would have been nice only if his location factor was not in picture. His job required him to stay on the outskirts of Ahmadabad, whereas my career would have come to an end. I was unwilling to relocate to a remote village. He admitted he liked me and insisted to talk to my parents but I was tight lipped. I held back myself, oscillating between marriage and career. Eventually we drifted away from each other, only to receive news of his marriage to somebody else ofcourse! That was obvious and this lead to the end of a chapter "Mr X to Mr. Right".

Saddened by my first experience of searching for Mr Right that went wrong, I continued the journey further. After-al, life is full of stumbling stones and you should never give up.

Meeting with the second guy happened soon. Mr. X's decent looks, same field of job as mine, similar

interests and fitness consciousness made me feel an instant connection with him. He was talkative, I was the quiet one. We both loved reading and once again I felt he was THE guy I waited for! The happiness was short lived when he suddenly went out of touch. Post a gap of two months Mr. X reconnected with all real-sounding reasons like a relative's accident in US, father unwell, travelling and so on. Thinking to give him another chance, I accepted his all excuses.But I should have known! I should have thought how could a media person not have a social account? With a push from my sixth senses, I fished out his social media account. I should have known, when a guy refuses to add you in his friend list, something's not right. I should have known he was fooling me and would have fooled many other girls. He was engaged, waiting to get married in next few months. Between the time of his engagement and marriage, he'd thought of having fun hanging out with prospective brides! Upset and disappointed , all I could do was end the brief stint of so-called-love I felt with him. You can imagine what all I went through. I cried over my wrong selection. Uggh!!!

One of the other guys I met, had great sense of humor and loved traveling. But he confessed he would marry the girl chosen by his mom. What the hell he was doing on the matrimony website then? 

Another guy's father called me, praising his good son and passed on his number to me. Thank God I did not talk to Sonny dear. In few SMS that we exchanged, he told me how he ran away from his hometown just because marriage did not interest him and how he does drugs each day. My stars saved me from a drug addict! 

Another Mr X rejected me because I am vegetarian. So, what was he? A man eater? 

There are endless stories which continued for some time before the final chapter.  

Dejected and hopeless, I met another prospect. Just like other guys I had the same feedback for him. He was polite and well mannered (all guys are polite in the first meeting). We watched a movie, ate lunch together and called it a day. 

I decided to know more about him and dated him for a while. He was not the typical protective or possessive type who would open the car door for me or ask if I knew cooking. He respected my decision of pursuing career post marriage. He was the only guy who asked if I knew any tact of self defense. "Because husbands or cops cannot fly to the mishap sites, so ladies should to be able to protect themselves before help arrives", he said. Wow! Now that was impressive.

Time flew and we became bonded well. He loved English songs which he used to play while driving. Once while dropping me home, I was surprised when he played Ghazals in car. When I asked him the reason for the change, he blushed! He had downloaded Ghazals for me :-) I found it cute. Secretly I had my fingers crossed. 

While discussing the way we wanted to get married, I revealed my thoughts. To get married like a princess is any girl's dream but I wanted a simple ceremony in the company of close ones and not spend lavishly. I wanted no loan or huge expense for show off in wedding. To my surprise he agreed. He was totally cool with the idea of saving money for future than spend extravagantly for guests who do not come to help in grave hours of need. My respect for him multiplied that day. The warmth, honesty and space that he gave in the relationship was extremely comforting. His sense of responsibility and vision for future was praiseworthy. There was no reason for me to reject him. 

He called me one day to discuss something important. He wanted me to buy a health plan for myself and an insurance for parents. He was preparing me for emergency, which often goes neglected. I recalled my professor's debate topic during MBA tenure - "A perfect husband is one who prepares his wife for widowhood". This topic had raised many eyebrows but was worth thinking about. A shudder passed through me as he spoke about the insurance schemes. With welled up eyes the realization dawned upon me that HE was indeed MY Mr. Right.  

Within 7 months of dating Mr. X, we tied the knot in January 2015 and became my Mr. Right. 

  

Being together

This post is for https://housing.com/ #together

It was Esha's birthday. Like each year, I dialed her mobile number to wish her on her birthday. Irrespective of the fact that we could rarely meet after our tenure in the same job and being room mates, we remained good friends. Post two years of quitting job, she got married. I was still working in Delhi, trying to make something out of my career. We were physically apart but kept in touch throughout. We made sure to call each other at least on our birthday, if not at regular intervals.  It was 11:00 am and I thought to call her as I was not loaded by work that day.

I expected to hear a bubbly chirpy voice at the other end. The time that I spent with her brought a smile on my face. As the call got through, her number was not reachable. I was disappointed, wondering why she had switched her phone off. Leaving a message on social account was not an option, as she was not active on social media, and had discontinued her profile of late. After trying her number thrice,  I called on her hometown's land line.

"Hello?" the bubbly voice received the call.

“Happy birthday moti!” I wished her in excitement.

“Thanks SD! How did you know I am in Chandigarh?” (She often abbreviated by name to SD)

“Idiot! Your mobile is not reachable. I thought of calling your parents to give me alternate number of yours if any. 

Why is your phone off?” I scolded her with a concern in my voice.

“No, its not off rey! I have discontinued my Delhi number” she replied with a hint of melancholy in her voice.

“Why the hell? So who will update your number to me? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Things are not quite well at my end. I am going through a rough patch in my life sweety. Will tell you later.”

I had no idea what had happened, but I was concerned and worried for her. Why did she discontinue her Delhi number, why was she in Chandigarh, was there a problem in her marriage…thoughts wrung my head as I tossed on my bed that night. I felt guilty of not being to talk to my best friend for a long time. Amid my own struggle and work life balance, I had almost forgotten Esha. Post my broken love relationship, I was never myself. That night I kept thinking how life had made a joke of me. More I thought about my past relationship, more I felt hurt. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt that void within me again.

The next day at work, I was informed about an official visit to Chandigarh to one of our clients. I felt happy and was eager to visit Esha during that visit.

I bought a box of chocolates for her and headed for her house on Saturday afternoon. As I pressed the door bell, she opened it for me. We hugged each other. She rushed to the kitchen and returned with two glasses of watermelon smoothie and home-made cookies. I was touched. She had not forgotten my favorites. After a brief chit chat about job and family, I asked her about her marriage.

She smiled. “I knew this would come. Well SD, I have filed a divorce from my husband. The case is still pending.”

I ran a blank at her in shock. She was married one and a half years ago. What could have possibly gone wrong!

“This alliance was brought by one of our relatives who had woven lies to us. My family fell for it. I trusted my parents and got married, hoping for a good life ahead. But all that shines is not gold. The good looking guy had an extra marital affair. Plus, he had lied to us about his education, job & salary. Financial condition deteriorated. When I offered to help by working, his family refused. Big ego you see. They can die hungry, but will not allow the bahu to work. Things went terribly wrong when he started to return home drunk and physically tormented me. I kept mum and tried my best to save the marriage. When my parents came to know about it, they brought me back. They keep feeling guilty of not doing a background check that brought my life to a standstill.”

Esha’s words pierced into my heart. I was disturbed and angry at the same time. How dare could a man hit his wife? Why did he marry if he was into another relationship? My eyes welled up. It should have been my turn to hug her. But she came to me instead, and hugged me.

“Why are you crying silly? I am fine. See, I am out of a bad marriage. I was wrong when I stayed quiet. It’s worse to accept wrong more than doing it. Now I am free from his clutches. I will start working very soon,” she said with hopes in her eyes.

That moment I compared myself with Esha. She had braved the odds with maturity and is so much calm. I felt like a fool who was crying over a broken relationship of six months! I learnt a big lesson from Esha that day. 

Optimism is what I was missing in my life. How well did Esha put her broken pieces of life together deserved an applause. My meeting with her that day filled me with hopes, optimism and courage to move on. Her story helped me get over my broken relationship and I was my normal self. She gave me the strength and motivation to go on with optimism and look up.

(Image in the post is my copyright, clicked my me via Samsung mobile)